I know a lot.
For example, I know from my study of random factoids around the world that the Japanese are eating square watermelons at the tune of $90 a pop.
However, there are many things I can’t explain. So, in response to a question Snow Girl posed tonight, I will answer, or attempt to answer several questions and problems and issues that have arisen on the blogosphere since my hiatus.
Why did Heigl and Kelley adopt a baby girl from Korea?
She loves her sister. Her sister is adopted from Korea in the same time I was adopted. Heigl is active in rescuing things like dogs. Koreans eat dogs (even my oma). She saw the opportunity to help a special needs child escape a dog-eating culture. She not only gets to help a child, but also reduce the chance a dog will be eaten. It’s a win-win situation for the Heigl Hounds of Hope. By the way, when you go their foundation’s website you can see photos of their adopted Korean child. Right under those pictures it says “Come meet some GREAT ADOPTABLE ANIMALS” and “Meet some of our adoptable critters.”
Is conditional parenting manipulative and damaging?
Parenting is manipulative and damaging. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t try to improve upon the previous generation’s views and ways of parenting. It’s beneficial for us to fuck up so other’s don’t have to later on. And since there are so many ways of fucking up, we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of getting it right. If we were always getting it right, we wouldn’t have hundreds of books to buy that tell us we’re doing it wrong.
Why is punctuation so necessary?
My beloved sent me a link that said it will be National Punctuation Day tomorrow. Notice that the previous sentence had no comma. If the previous sentence had a comma it would not have made any sense. Punctuation can be deadly. If you didn’t know that, read the story about the panda that went on a shooting spree after a yummy dinner.
Why are Tibetan nannies so good?
They’re Asian.
Where will Kanye interrupt you next?
Coitus interruptus
Are white men driven to violence by Asian women?
Only if they didn’t have a Tibetan nanny. In reality, the answer is far more complex. The question has arisen in response to Annie Le’s murder. I don’t believe her Asian-ness drove her murderer into a rampage of sexual deviancy and violence. In fact, people who make this into a white man against an Asian women completely forget that the majority of violence against Asian women occurs by Asian men. This is true in America and in Asian countries. Studies have been devoted to this issue. Do the research.
What’s for dinner?
Sauteed penne with garlic and olive oil. Shreds of proscuitto, sprinkles of parmigiano-reggiano cheese, and artichoke hearts.
Who was the best TV Dad ever?
Howard Cunningham. He let the Fonze practically live in his house. He always kept his cool (even when a kid ran away). He was never a friend, but always a guide and loving authority figure. He could dance. He could sing. He ate at a cool diner. He never put on a stupid sweater vest like some other TV Dads.
Why are wealthy Americans opposed to the public health option?
Because they are stupid. They also believe in Social Darwinism. Let the best people survive so they can create an incestuously wealthy community of like-minded morons. The poor should just die and go away since they only cause problems.
What can I do to avoid getting swine flu?
Too late. You already have it. Tomorrow you will begin feeling a tingling sensation in your throat. By the end of the day you will have a slight drip in your nostril. By the end of the evening, you will also have a headache. No, it is not your “seasonal allergy” or your sensitivity to your building’s air conditioner. It is H1N1 and it’s mutating as you are reading this blog post into something far more sinister. It will eventually be called donkey flu for all the jackasses that spread it around by picking their noses while driving and texting, sneezing on their hand instead of their elbow, and breathing underneath the glass at buffet lines.
Why are old habits hard to break?
Quitting is for losers. Old habits are like old people. You know they’re eventually going to fade away, but you feel bad about pulling the plug on them too early.
Why is Elton John adopting a baby?
Because he can’t give birth. Duh.
Why don’t you write about being adopted anymore?
Everything I write comes from the point-of-view of an adoptee. What’s your real question?
Why is homework so inconsistent and stupid in Florida?
The sunshine makes people dumber. It literally fries your brain and decreases your intelligence quotient by 5 – 10%. This affects teachers who assign the homework. It then affects the students who do the homework assigned by the teachers. These children then grow up into college educated individuals. Most of them will go to college in Florida because Florida is smart enough to create a reward system for smart people to stay in this state. So smart people never reach their fullest potential because they don’t go to smartical schools. They then turn around and work in Florida. All the while, their brain is cooking in the 110 degree heat index. This becomes a vicious cycle.
Why are drivers so bad in Florida?
See above. Also, in response to my beloved’s recent posts on Florida drivers, I must defend them. We know what we’re doing. We’re just too stupid to realize that other people might not know what we’re doing. This causes confusion. For example, if I’m about to pass someone, why do I need to use a blinker? They’ll figure out I’m passing them when they see me whiz by. The people behind me will figure out I’m moving into their lane when they see my car swerve. They will brake to make room for me, because they won’t risk getting hit. If they risk getting hit, they better have good insurance, because in Florida, it is the person who hits the other person from behind that is to blame. Look it up. Similary, I will not use my headlights during a rainstorm because I can see other cars in front of me. Why do they need to be able to see me? That is, unless they want to change lanes without using their blinker and don’t realize I’m there. Only then will I flash my highbeams at them several times, honk, and then actually continue to drive without my lights on. This makes complete sense because during these daily rain showers we can always remember that we live in the sunshine state, so therefore it must be bright enough for others to see us.
Dearest Nae Yujah,
I’m finished blogging for the night. I need that backrub now. And a beer. What is that? Yes, of course you can have a beer first. Huh? Oh, your back hurts, too? Oh, let me rub that for you.
Wait a minute . . . wasn’t I going to ask for something?
Ah, well. I’m sure it wasn’t as important as . . .
Yes, of course you can have choco . . .
